-Posted by Isaac
Happy New Year folks! I hope your 2017 is the best of times and only the best.
Thinking about this past year, 2016 shines out as the very best bee year we've ever had. I'm sure we had some hard moments in there, some stumbling blocks, but my reminiscing is often very selective. Remember that awesome summer! Remember all that honey!
A reflective optimist I am. But also a prophetic pessimist. I mean, things are bound to get worse, right? The good old days are long gone, right? Jayne and I were watching Portlandia last week. We learned that there is actually a term for my dark-viewed infirmity. It's called E.O.G.
Early Onset Grumpiness. At least Jayne thinks that I have this condition. And in truth, I have been called a pessimist once or twice. But speaking for myself, I contend that I'm simply a realist. Not dark, not a grumpy young pessimist... just real.
It's almost embarrassing. To be human. You know what I mean?
I think about how bright, how optimistic we began our 2016. We all have our New Year's resolutions. This year Mason and I had a goal. We had a dream. Using my cousin's home gym, we stuck to the plan.
But then at some point, cold reality set in. We realized that the NFL is never going to call. Not in 2016. Not in 2017. Not ever.
Not a pessimist. Just a realist.
Let me try to illustrate this concept with some pictures from this week. And if I have lost you in negativity and realism, I apologize. Please understand that it's just the disease talking. My E.O.G.
Around the holidays we like to show off our fancy, expensive, high performance vehicles. We wear the latest fashions. We colonize our fine homes.
But we wreck the joint.
And that goes for our environment also. We wreck the joint. I swear, you people think that Mother Nature is your personal joy ride.
But she's bigger than us! And she'll buck you off if you don't watch out.
The temperature is heading up! The seas are a'gonna rise! Quit with your denials. Your delusions. Do you people think this is a Disney movie!? La la..Life is much better, down where it's wetter. La la la...
Is that what you think?? Huh??? Well I've got news for you.
Let's see. We've covered dashed dreams and scrapped resolutions. We've covered societal and environmental problems. How about the economy?
Oh sure, our economy is just fine. Our bees are buzzing and booming.
But when you step back and look at the big picture, the economy as a whole... we're in the pisser!
Not a pessimist. Just a realist.
Did you think you were simply going to skate into some bright cheery 2017? Believe you're gliding down the highway...
...when in fact you're Slip Sliding Away.
I hate to burst your bubble. I mean someone's got to settle you optimists down. Show you some truth. I simply refuse to don your rose colored glasses.
Or are they beer goggles? All I know is, you happy happy happies turn me into a Groucho.
But on a brighter note, I can say this. At least one respectable thing happened in 2016. Some of you got smart and finally put a competent leader in office. A miracle almost. And he's going to fix everything!
(A clip from my favorite movie. Not for children's ears!)
A 2016 Idiocracy sendoff! See, in order to find some decent leaders, all it takes is the realistic threat of impending doom.
Happy New Year! 2017 is going to be awesome.
I give you my word.